Last updated on: July 11th 2025
I think it's important to start with the biggest rock of all, which I know might shock some people, but I just HAVE to get it out...
I am...a...Furry D:
Yes I know, how very unfortunate...
It all started when I was a small pub...about 9 years old and saw a TV Report about Furries. Normally that would leave one with a very negaive reputation about the community, but all that stuck in my brain was how cute and fluffy all those Fursuiters looked and how desperately I wanted to hug one of them...
But most of my life I lacked the courage to really...approach anyone. It also didn't help that most of my schooltime was shit (like for most Furries if we're honest) which didn't help my case either. In 2018 though I finally graduated school for the first time. And that new taste of freedom also allowed me for the first time in my life to pick my own pack. And...well...this is what I came up with.
No regrets so far honestly ^^
But that's not all that I am of course. As for my other interests I think the three biggest passions im my life would be...
- Movies
- Music
- Tennis
And now a little bit about what I can say about all of them
Number 1: Movies 🎥
I DREAMT of being a Filmmaker ever since I was a little pub. Sadly no one in my family encouraged me chasing those dreams and also the opportunities for aspiring film makers in my country are...well...shit. But my that couldn't quench my love for all things film related (and I got this letterboxd account to prove it)
I guess another big factor that led to this was that film always proven to be an escape for me. I will delve into it at certain points for sure but I can already profess that the life in my pack was...sub-optimal to say the least. So films have given me a glimpse into another life that could be better than mine or worse which helped me feel less shit about myself. It also helped me understand those pesky human emotions, becuase no one bothered to explain those to me and I felt pretty screwed-up.
But yeah, that's enough I can say for now.
Number 2: Music 🥁
Now this is something I hold very dear to my heart. A lot can be said about measuring objective quality in Films vs. Music. And usually with the latter it can become a lot more difficult. The reason for that is that Music can be a lot more intimate than Film because a much smaller team is needed to create it (bar excerptions from both sides of course.). This can cause listeners to feel more connected with the content because it has a stronger personal touch. You feel like you're listening to someone's personal feelings or worries...
This sounds like I want to express something deeply personal with this statement and...yes I do. While there are some movies that touch me emotionally, I don't think any film will come close to the personal impact that "Brave Faces Everyone" by Spanish Love Songs had to me. For nearly three years I've been listening to this album non-stop and it NEVER grew boring on me. Many people mourned that poetry was lost and no one botheres listening to it anymore. I'd say that it's still there, but its form has changed. You hear the lyrics of any of these songs and you realize they're poetically wrap up all the worries and existential dread that my generation felt growing up. The desperate attempt to make anything out of yourself in a world determined to keep you small.
And I mean yes, there can be movies like this too, but I have yet to find any. If somebody has a clue, please let me know (as soon as I implement comments with which I will wait, unitl I have a job and can afford a subscription for this site.) In the meantime I urge everyone who doesn't want to listen to the album to at least give the closer a try. It sums up everything the LP wants to convey and more:
I found it funny that nearly all my favorite music ended up being very complex compositional wise. Maybe it just speaks to my musical demands or I'm looking for a challenge even though I know for certain I'll never be able to drum to anything Travis Baker put out ever...
...oh yeah right...am a drummer too...think I should mention that at some point 😅
I don't even know, how this passion really began. Someone mentioned to my mother I had good rhythm in elementary school and then I was send to a drum teacher and I was stuck with it ever since...not that I'm complaining about it XD. Part of me wonders though why I've sticked with it for so long. It's a form of physical exercise which I enjoy which is rare to find (and anbody who dares doubting me on that should try doing it for one or two hours. Trust me, you WILL feel it). But's it's also a way of expressing my emotions if I need to. I always felt more relieved and processed if that makes sense after a long drawn-out drumming session. You can't say that it has fixed everything but it left me with a better feeling afterwards. And that'll compel me to keep going no matter what comes up in the future
Number 3: Tennis 🎾
This one feels SUPER out of place, I can guess that already. Again, can blame my Mom for it. She was very into Roger Federer when he was an active player and that must've rubbed off on me too. Admittedly, my approach to the sport was luke-warm at most times, especially in my childhood. I still dreamt about being a Pro-Player which everyone in my enviroment discouraged me from. Coaches, Parents, Classmates, everyone. I still wonder at times how much I could've achived if I had the opportunity to pursue it. Part of me still mourns all the lost chances. Making up for it when you're older and biologically speaking already at the brink of decline...yeah, it doesn't feel like it's going to be fun.
But you don't really do those things just for fun, don't you?...Okay, obviously a little bit of fun must be involved for you too. But it's never the only factor and that becomes apparent when you look at all the pro players. They're always fueled by an never-ending desire to be better, to be successful. And Tennis, as most I think agree, is primarily a mental sport. Remember, when you play Singles, there's no one else on your side on the court, only yourself. Granted, the legalized off-site coaching now alleviates some pressure off you...but your coach can't play for you! At every moment, in every point, all eyes are locked on you. If you falter, everyone will see. If you choke, everyone will see. And you can't take a break unless it's a Change-Over, you have to keep playing! To most people, that must feel frightening. I find it thrilling.
I think in this enviroment you can't make it far without fixing that part of yourself. You can't afford